Toxicologist

You may have heard motivational materials, self-help messages, and friends telling us we need to protect our environment and surround ourselves with positive people while eliminating or limiting exposure to the “toxic” ones.

But how often do you hear from the said toxic ones? What do they do when they realize they are the toxic ones in each scenario? In each relationship? What do they really need to dump and what healthy actions should they take? How do they detox? All they really know, is what they SHOULDN’T be. They should stop being like themselves, and be like someone else. Be someone better. Someone that they want to be.

I’m not saying they shouldn’t be pushed and should accept themselves. I’m saying the opposite. They would be better off if they changed their negative ways. It’s better to be cancer-free than to have cancer.

As a confoundedly toxic person myself I realize all my efforts come from the same source, and thus fail to change anything significantly. It’s strange to be the Achilles heel. It’s infuriating.

It’s not that people can’t understand. It’s that they don’t, because they think more clearly. It’s not that they are unable to grasp it. It’s me distorting it. Actually it’s probably more accurate to say they understand me better than I do.

That’s when I realize I have nothing to say at that moment. When every word that wants to come out of my mouth–every word I can think of–is negative or pity party in nature…I think it’s best to say nothing……………………..until I have something good to say.

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