Category Archives: Life is Funny

I have to laugh.

La Familia!

La Familia!

I snapped this driving the other day, as I had a strange moment. In the words of Scooby, “RRUUGH?!?”

As I pulled up behind it, I squinted and thought, “What is that word where it should say ‘Volvo’?”

Yes, it says Ferrari there under the rear wiper. It even had the iconic horse emblem on the front grill, and matching crests on the hubs of the wheels. Very interesting sense of humor here in HB.

😉

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For those who can’t talk real good…

Top 10 Mispronunciations that are more annoying [to me] than “nucular.”

I know that ‘nucular’ gets some extra time in the hot seat because of politicians, but there are mispronunciations that are much more bothersome to me. I come across them more often, so maybe that has something to do with it.

Call me weird, but I really appreciate being corrected when I say something wrong, so that I don’t sound ignorant, disrespectful, or dumb. It doesn’t have to be in a mean way. (I really have to work on my approach. I’ve recently learned I have a blunter, sharper delivery than I ever imagined.)

I would love it if you would leave a comment with one or two that really should be on this list. It’s good to say things right. 😉

Expresso–As in, “Can I get an extra shot of expresso?” I suppose if you are referring to espresso’s occasional natural diarrhetic effect…then it’s fitting.

Perfek–As in, “That dive was a perfek ten!” If E is your SL, then I understand. It’s not easy at first.

Comferble–As in, “This chair is so comferble.” I know the true pronunciation sounds ridiculous, but at least give a nod to the central ‘t’ with the conventional “comftorble.”

Chai Tea–Since “chai” or something close to it is the word for tea throughout the Asian continent, the “tea” is simply redundant.

Worcestershire–You know you can’t say it either.

I don’t know if I’m picking on the word, or on the institutionalized butchering of it, but it sure is good stuff to cook with, irregardless.

(Doh!)

Irregardless–It’s in the dictionary now with the “nonstandard” tag. So I don’t dwell on it. But it is a double negative, still.

Punkin–As in, “Can I get some punkin pie.” I prefer ‘bumpkin’ if you are going to botch the beloved gourd.

Ornch–Why does anyone say “orange” when they refer to the fruit form, but in the next sentence ask for a glass of “ornch juice”?

Gowda–As in the cheese.

Orientated–When instead the person means “oriented” as in positioned in a certain way.

-eh!–This suffix is increasingly affixed to the last word of many sentences proceeding from the mouths of certain persons (I won’t say which gender), of a certain socioeconomic bracket (middle-upper), and especially from a certain region (I live in Huntington Beach.) Usually used for emphasis. Examples are:

  • Oh my gawd-eh!
  • That’s SO random-eh!
  • She was TOtally wasted-eh!.
  • (“-uh!” is a variation, of course.) NOooo-uh!

Passwords ate my homework!!!

Passwords are out of control. I have to find something to ease this menacing time-suck in my life. I have to guess, reset, and get locked out of countless accounts because of passwords and corresponding user IDs. It’s to the point where I desperately miss paper, which is even easier to physically lose.

Look at this prompt I was recently given for how to create a password. (Name of entity and account omitted, obviously.) I swear I am NOT making this up.

Must have a minimum of 8 characters and a maximum of 40 characters. Must contain a mixture of letters, numbers and at least one special character, i.e. -, *, >, etc. Passwords must contain one upper case letter. Must not contain any spaces. Must not be a previously used password. Must not contain any spaces. Must not include common words describing [anything related to the industry], colors, fruits, countries or sports teams. Examples of passwords that will not be accepted: Coffee11, yellow23, 12lake34. Passwords should only be reused after one year of non-use. Passwords should not contain any part of the user name.

I’m going through the seven stages of grief just reading these instructions! And I’m losing hope I’ll ever think of something that I will be able to remember, and where to write it down yet be able to find it again.

 

Dude!

I have always liked animals. A lot. And I think it’s easier to like them when you respect them and are informed about them. Naivete is dangerous. I also think banning pit bulls is not helpful to the associated behavioral problems. I know this isn’t new but I came across it today.

Five Damn Good Reasons to Vote Down Miami’s Pit Bull Ban Today – Miami – News – Riptide 2.0.

I like this:

5. Everyone who knows anything about animals is against it Here’s what the American Veterinary Medical Association recently told the Miami Heraldabout pit bulls: “Controlled studies have not identified this breed group as disproportionately dangerous.” They’re joined by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the South Florida Veterinary Medical Association, and the Humane Society in opposing pit bull bans. If that’s not enough expert opinion, consider this: 4. PETA supports the ban If the only group still standing behind a law is the same one that has compared dog breeders to Hitler and meat production to Jim Crow-era lynching, and routinely exploited the Holocaust to bully people into vegetarianism, you should oppose that law by definition.

Frailty, thy name is PETA.

I heard a story on NPR once that an exterminator was called in to get rid of a rat presence at their headquarters. When he offered to use non-lethal measures for them (because, y’know, you’re PETA and all) they rejected them and said just kill the rats. “Come on…they’re just RATS.” I suppose PETAEFR (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals Except for Rats) is just too cumbersome an acronym, let alone an epithet.

Depravity of “The Bachelor”

This wildly popular show has always bugged me. I just can’t ignore the mind splinter I get. There is something profoundly wrong with the whole premise of it.

So, do you see kids in your future?

Not that I’m coming from a I’m-too-awesome-to-enjoy-such-frippery high and mighty place. I rubberneck and get sucked into the sensational as much as the next fella.

But tonight I overheard something that spiked out to me like a charlie horse in my jaw. The Bachelor was on a “date” [doh!] with one of the women, and was giving his spiel about what he looks for in a woman. He gave a good, safe, and politically correct suitable for primetime short list of qualities, such that the inner beauty is what matters, and that he’s dated women from several major ethnic groups without trying to, of course. (I actually thought his response was good. I share his sentiments.)

The part that got me was the woman’s response to him. She replied something along the lines of, “Those are perfect answers!”

This little moment is a great reminder of the man behind the curtain of The Bachelor. This isn’t a date in the everyday sense of the word. It’s an interview! The creators of the show are so crafty at letting you forget that none of these people are meeting each other organically and getting to know each other the way the rest of us do, that it’s shocking to me when it gets revealed here and there.

Even a blind date is more of a real relationship than this. At least blind dates are arranged by someone else as an educated guess, and the two of you are on equal footing as you stumble through the early stages of getting to know someone that you could theoretically fall in love with. This isn’t like that at all. There are plot points and set responses that need to occur, since this is a short-term budgeted weeding out process in which one man pretends to have equal interest in dozens of women knowing full well that he has to favor only one for the sake of his contract and the American Public. This is truly a game in which everyone is trying to glean enough likability to survive the cut at each round, hoping to turn a cumulative couple of days with a person you are never with in a natural setting with into a “for the rest of my life” soul mate. (It would be interesting to count how many times the phrase “for the rest of my life” is used per episode. I wonder if you plotted them on a graph for each season, would the frequency be equally….meh, I’m getting sidetracked.)

Ohmigod I like, TOTALLY forgot you were there filming us! Hafuhfuhffuhfuhfff!….

I’m not pretentious enough to say there’s no hope in actually falling in love and pulling the real thing off here. Real life is awkward enough to prove that. But this show is so orchestrated as to not acknowledge the awkward reality of life that I can’t stop annoying all my family that likes to watch the show. Thank you for reading–now maybe I can stop bugging them. 😉